The pickup artist
Three girls walk into a bar ...
No really. That's not the start of a joke, but the beginning to my story of why guys should not use pickup lines anymore. Three girls -- the Brooklyn girl, the Jersey girl (me) and the Texas girl -- walk into a bar in Park Slope. (OK, so we're all originally from Texas and went to school together in Austin, but for the sake of the story that's how I'm identifying us.)
We sit at a corner booth that faces the bar and settle in. It's nearing 1 a.m. Brooklyn girl's friend comes up and starts chatting with us, and it seems like a quiet night. Then this happens.
A boy (at least an 8 out of 10) in a button-down white shirt and tattered jeans gets up from the bar. He saunters over to our table and looks at Texas friend sandwiched between Brooklyn friend and I. With a straight face and total honesty the dude asks, "Do you come here often?"
SERIOUSLY? I bite my tongue. I hold back the laughter. This guy didn't just use one of the oldest pickup lines on our friend -- in front of three other people? But ever the lady, Texas friend looks at him with a straight face and says "no." Brooklyn friend, who is able to hold laughter back better than I am, answers with a simple, "She's from Texas."
In my head I'm thinking, "What the hell? I just picked her us from JFK less than six hours ago. Hello, no she doesn't come here often. Can't you think of a better pickup line? COME ON!"
Then he rambles on about the bartender being from Texas, that someone else at the bar wanted to know, that blah, blah, blah. I was too busy trying not to bust out with laughter to really pay any attention to him at this point.
All the while Brooklyn girl's friend had this look on his face. You know the look. The "dude, your striking out; leave before this gets any worse" look.
The boy returns to the bar, and Texas girl losses it. She starts laughing and buries her face in my shoulder so he doesn't hear her. We all look at each other and start to laugh. This wouldn't have been so bad if the guy in the white shirt didn't make an encore appearance. That's right, people, he came back for seconds.
Less than 10 minutes later the guy is in front of us again. Now he claims he didn't mean to hit on Texas girl, he was just asking a question. Right. People, how many times at a bar do you ask someone "Do you come here often?" I make it a point not to. It's one of those bad lines like: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" or "What's your sign?"
He mumbles about stuff again and then leaves us. You know, he was really good looking, but after that line, he was downgraded. The ladies agreed: It wasn't just a cheesy moment; it was a Cheese Wiz moment.
So, people, what have we learned today? Ladies, if a man asks you this question, politely hold back the laughter. And, gentlemen, try not to use these lines anymore. Like so many other things these days, your words might end up on someone's blog. ***Wicked smile springs from me*** Or commented about on MySpace pages for weeks and weeks and weeks.
By the way, "Do you come here often?" The blog I mean.
On TV: Wolfmother video, "Woman"
No really. That's not the start of a joke, but the beginning to my story of why guys should not use pickup lines anymore. Three girls -- the Brooklyn girl, the Jersey girl (me) and the Texas girl -- walk into a bar in Park Slope. (OK, so we're all originally from Texas and went to school together in Austin, but for the sake of the story that's how I'm identifying us.)
We sit at a corner booth that faces the bar and settle in. It's nearing 1 a.m. Brooklyn girl's friend comes up and starts chatting with us, and it seems like a quiet night. Then this happens.
A boy (at least an 8 out of 10) in a button-down white shirt and tattered jeans gets up from the bar. He saunters over to our table and looks at Texas friend sandwiched between Brooklyn friend and I. With a straight face and total honesty the dude asks, "Do you come here often?"
SERIOUSLY? I bite my tongue. I hold back the laughter. This guy didn't just use one of the oldest pickup lines on our friend -- in front of three other people? But ever the lady, Texas friend looks at him with a straight face and says "no." Brooklyn friend, who is able to hold laughter back better than I am, answers with a simple, "She's from Texas."
In my head I'm thinking, "What the hell? I just picked her us from JFK less than six hours ago. Hello, no she doesn't come here often. Can't you think of a better pickup line? COME ON!"
Then he rambles on about the bartender being from Texas, that someone else at the bar wanted to know, that blah, blah, blah. I was too busy trying not to bust out with laughter to really pay any attention to him at this point.
All the while Brooklyn girl's friend had this look on his face. You know the look. The "dude, your striking out; leave before this gets any worse" look.
The boy returns to the bar, and Texas girl losses it. She starts laughing and buries her face in my shoulder so he doesn't hear her. We all look at each other and start to laugh. This wouldn't have been so bad if the guy in the white shirt didn't make an encore appearance. That's right, people, he came back for seconds.
Less than 10 minutes later the guy is in front of us again. Now he claims he didn't mean to hit on Texas girl, he was just asking a question. Right. People, how many times at a bar do you ask someone "Do you come here often?" I make it a point not to. It's one of those bad lines like: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" or "What's your sign?"
He mumbles about stuff again and then leaves us. You know, he was really good looking, but after that line, he was downgraded. The ladies agreed: It wasn't just a cheesy moment; it was a Cheese Wiz moment.
So, people, what have we learned today? Ladies, if a man asks you this question, politely hold back the laughter. And, gentlemen, try not to use these lines anymore. Like so many other things these days, your words might end up on someone's blog. ***Wicked smile springs from me*** Or commented about on MySpace pages for weeks and weeks and weeks.
By the way, "Do you come here often?" The blog I mean.
On TV: Wolfmother video, "Woman"
posted by Lucy Quintanilla at 11:41 AM
1 Comments:
Other than the cheesy line, the biggest mistake this guy made was not having two of his own friends at his side while he spoke with your attractive friend. What he really needed was two wing men who would be willing to feign interest in you and the other girl long enough for him to get the hot girl's telephone number. I guess he couldn't find two friends willing to fall on their swords for five minutes, huh?
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